I’m writing this while on a plane with Marlboro Man. He, Todd and I are heading to Chicago for the weekend. Since he is my captive, I decided to interrogate him and post his answers here.
I love it when he can’t escape me.
Move a little closer, please.
(Moves a little closer.)
How are you this fine Friday morning?
(Nods, closes eyes.) Great.
(Sees me narrating his movements. Chuckles.)
I’m glad you’re going to Chicago with me.
I am, too. Todd and I are going to have a good time while you work.
At least we’re staying in the same hotel room so we’ll definitely have to bump into each other here and there. Ha.
(Nods.) Yup. We can have dinner. And we’re going to the Blackhawks game.
Do you think someone like me will enjoy a professional hockey game?
Yes. Hockey’s fun to watch. It’s a great sport to watch live.
How many hockey games have you been to in your life?
A couple.
And where was that, considering you live in rural Oklahoma?
In Oklahoma City. It wasn’t NHL, but it was fun.
I like those jeans.
(Looks at me with his piercing blue eyes. Doesn’t answer.)
(Says something he likes about me that I’m not going to type because it was a little bit fresh.)
So, how are things in the agriculture world?
You know, it’s really good. Cattle prices are good, last year was one of the best years in awhile. Longterm, it’s probably not going to stay that high, so there’s some risk. But it’s definitely been a good couple of years.
What do you mean by “there’s some risk?” I don’t know nuthin’.
Well, when you buy cattle at these higher prices, if supply goes up, eventually the prices are going to come down a little bit. So what you paid a higher price for, you’ll have trouble making money. Somewhere, and no one knows where, the market will turn down. It already turned down a little from last fall’s high, so if you bought cattle at that high, it will be hard to make money on those cattle this year. So anytime cattle prices are high and you buy cattle, there’s a risk.
So why not just sit back and not buy any cattle when the prices are high?
Well, prices were considered “high” two years ago, but we still bought cattle and the price continued to go up. We have to run cattle on our ranch, otherwise we’re not utilizing our land and the land won’t service itself. If you’re not running something on it, it’s not paying for itself. The biggest cost of running livestock is the cost of the rent (whether you’re paying yourself/your bank note or leasing from someone else.) We’re already paying for our land, so if you don’t run cattle, you can’t pay yourself (or pay your bank note.)
I have no idea what you just said.
(Chuckles.)
No, it does make sense. Basically, when you’re a landowner, you have to run cattle or other livestock (or farm the land if you’re a farmer) otherwise the land won’t pay for itself.
Right.
My ears are popping.
(Nods. Doesn’t acknowledge my ears.) The good thing about our cattle operation is that we also have a lot of cow/calves, so we have a lot of cows raising calves, so on the land that we run steers on, a lot of those can be calves we raise ourselves. We did buy some cattle last fall at higher prices, and some of those cattle won’t make much money. But since we also had calves, we didn’t have to buy all of our steers at market price.
What’s the last movie you saw in the theater?
American Sniper, maybe?
Was it good? You didn’t take me.
Yes, it was good. Oh, we also saw that other movie.
What other movie?
(Thinks. Shakes his head.) I don’t know. Channing Tatum. Space movie. (Leans forward to Todd’s seat) Todd, what was that movie we saw with Channing Tatum? (Todd answers) Jupiter Ascending.
I’m impressed you know who Channing Tatum is.
(Laughs.) He’s not a bad actor! Now, that movie was a little over the top…
You didn’t take me to that either.
You didn’t want to go!
To paraphrase Shirley MacLaine in Steel Magnolias, “I don’t go to movies because I can nap at home for free!”
(Ignores my Shirley MacLaine quote.) Now, American Sniper was good, though.
So you have no response to my Shirley MacLaine quote? Why do you hate Steel Magnolias?
Steel Magnolias is a good movie. Good acting.
And that is why I love you.
It’s a chick flick, but I can appreciate the acting. Little bit of a tearjerker. Pretty sure I have to get you a box of Kleenex every time you watch it.
You cry, too.
(Shakes head) I don’t think so.
Do you think we will always live on the ranch for the rest of our lives?
(Nods.) Yes. God willing. You don’t want to live somewhere else, do you?
I’m conducting the interview here. And no, I don’t. But you aren’t asking the questions here. Please refrain from it from now on.
Okay, Pookie. (Actually, he said “I’ll ask you questions if I want” but I typed “Okay, Pookie” instead and now I’m laughing hysterically. Please feel sorry for my husband.)
What’s your favorite thing about living on the ranch?
Being able to work with the kids. Being able to see you and the kids during the day, taking the kids working, just being close to you all. That’s the best thing about living on the ranch.
What’s your least favorite thing?
Slow internet.
Oh my gosh. Word.
Or…if you want to go have a nice dinner out somewhere, it’s just a long ways away. But in the grand scheme of things, that’s not a big issue for us since we both like staying home.
I sure like it better when you travel with me.
I like traveling with you better than you having to go by yourself.
Are you looking forward to Chicago?
Yeah, I like Chicago.
Remember when we went to Chicago when I was like seven months pregnant with Bryce?
(Laughs) I do. That was funny. You ate lobster like five nights in a row.
You were probably afraid to suggest I order something different.
It was the first vacation we’d had since our honeymoon, so I figured you should eat what you wanted.
Plus, I was pregnant. You probably didn’t want to mess with me.
I wasn’t scared of you.
Did I ever tell you that when I went to the ladies’ room during one of those lobster dinners, I had to pass through the bar and a guy actually tried to hit on me?
Yes, you did tell me that.
And then he looked down at my belly and yelled “Whoa, Nelly!” and backed away slowly.
(Laughs.)
I think that’s the last time I’ve ever been hit on. Except by you.
I’m the only person that needs to be hitting on you. Do you wish more people would hit on you?
I’m conducting the interview here. Please refrain from asking questions. Oh! We’re about to land! I love you, honey.
Love you, too.
*The end*
