Officer-turned-funeral director says link is 'helping people ... in need'

After spending 20 years with the Norwich Police Department, Mark Kalinowski retired in 2003. He went on to earn the appropriate degrees and certifications to get into the funeral business.

He says his new career as funeral director is as much about serving the community as his time as a patrol officer. He was recently named the funeral director and embalmer at Church & Allen Funeral Service in Norwich and Montville. He also serves as one of the state’s embalming examiners for licensing.         

Q: Police officer and funeral director seem miles apart as career choices. How did this all come about?  

A: I loved what I did as a police officer, serving the community I lived in, worked in and raised a family in — helping people in all sorts of times of need. In the funeral service, I’ve focused my duties on helping people in times of need in a different way.

At the police department, I would go to calls for untimely deaths. We had to go as part of the investigation to ensure there were no signs of foul play. I just started clicking with the families I was dealing with. It just felt natural to be helping people in those situations.

There are actually a lot of policemen I know studying to be funeral directors. I think it’s just the service to the community.

Q: What are the challenges of dealing with grieving families?

A: If I didn’t have a strong spiritual belief, I don’t think I’d be able to do this. It would be a depressing job. I certainly have empathy for the families I serve. There are times I’ve sat and cried with families, but I’m layers removed from knowing the people.

Some people take the title “director” way too much to heart. I’d rather consider myself as a guide, meeting with families to help arrange for a fitting tribute to the life that was lived. I want to do something that’s unique for every single family that comes in, ... create a fitting tribute to a life lived rather some cookie-cutter service all the time.

Q: How do you handle the embalming part of the job?

A: In this state you have to be licensed as a combination, unless it’s family-run. I actually like the embalming aspect of it, because I like to be able to present somebody who has died in the best possible light for the people who want to say goodbye one last time. It’s hugely important to me. My son and daughter both understand what I do. I certainly wouldn’t let them see the embalming, but I’ve explained it in detail.

Q: Why did you become a police officer?

A: I was one of those kids who in kindergarten said I want to be a police officer when I grow up, and that never changed. Back in 1982, it was a one-year hiring process. At that time you could get hired as a police officer as long as you were 18. You could be licensed to carry a firearm but couldn’t buy ammunition. My father had to buy my practice ammunition. It was a weird state law quirk.

My last eight or nine years, I was assigned to the motorcycle unit. I’ve ridden a motorcycle since I was 16 or 17. To actually do it and get paid for it was a dream come true for any kid. I also served as a detective and crime prevention officer for a while.

Q: Why did you retire?

A: I loved the job, but I wondered how long my body can go through all this. It was a good time for me. My kids much prefer to see me go to work in a suit and tie rather than a bulletproof vest.

I started school before I left. I took and passed a national board exam. You become an apprentice in the state you plan to work. The laws are different from state to state. I was serving my apprenticeship when I retired in July 2003. By October 2003, I was fully licensed.