Managing Your Inner Critic: Tips to Avoid Feeding the Gremlin

There were three rules you had to follow in the Gremlins movie.

1. Don't get them wet
2. Don't feed them after midnight
3. Don't expose them to sunlight

The cute little Mogwai's would transform into these ugly, havoc wreaking creatures that would terrorize everything. The three rules of course were not followed and we were all introduced to these hideous monster like things. Worst part they couldn't turn back, they just died, sometimes horrifically after exposing to sunlight. Luckily this article is simply using the tale of the Gremlin as a metaphor, and the difference is, nothing is actually literal - unless Gremlins exist, if so, make sure to follow the rules above....for all of our sakes.

I was in a coaching session and was talking about how my inner critic, this annoying voice that loves to interfere in my life and remind me of all of my fears, insecurities, and judgement was still around. I talked about how over the years I was able to get more control over it by leaning into it more than just suppressing it. You can't out run your thoughts. They come as they please. You can, however, have a conversation with them. Our inner critic serves a protective function by shielding us from potential harm such as heartbreak, past trauma, inconsistency, or the unknown. This protective function implies a positive intention. Yet it is annoying, draining and super frustrating to constantly being reminded of your fears and perceived limitations and than really never getting anywhere.

How often do you "feed" that voice?

Did you know that 80% of our thoughts are negative and 90% of them are repetitive according to careclinics.com. The most striking observation is how frequently we repeat our negative thoughts. This suggests that we often ruminate rather than strive for improvement. It could be due to the fact that the latter requires accepting responsibility for our self-perception and putting in the effort to regain the self-love we've easily given away to everything else but ourselves. That work is hard and it's scary. Perhaps we steer clear of it to avoid cycling through negative thoughts, engaging in numbing activities, and relying on short-lived dopamine boosts to make it to the next day. I am not a therapist, but I can say I have been both these people, one that was part of that statistic and one that constantly works to stay in the 10%.

Based on my experience, embracing the voice in your head requires curiosity and courage.

Curiosity - a commitment to explore the possibilities that stretch beyond knowledge, expertise, and comfort

Courage - a commitment to taking action although you may not have all the answers or want them

If we decide to lean into curiosity, we can explore what our thoughts actually mean.

What I did was water my negative thoughts with negative affirmations.

Thought: "you got so fat, what are you doing?"

Me: [speaking out loud] "I am such a fat ass"

Than I would take it further, and in my particular case feed them with negative confirmations.

Thought: "Look at your love handles, your man boobs, no one will ever find you attractive"

Me: [actually grabbing those parts of my body and physically feeling what i was saying]

But when I got curious, I learnt to expose these thoughts to sunlight; Illuminate them, subject them to a trial, and embark on a quest to comprehend their significance beyond their surface appearance. In the movie Gremlins, exposure to sunlight caused a horrible death, while in my case, my negative automatic thoughts became less automatic. They did not die, because they can't, but they did not have the same effect on me anymore. Curiosity allowed me to see what was actually true and what wasn't. This allowed me to take back control. You can ask questions like:

• How can that be?
• How is this helping me?
• How is this protecting me?
• How is this helping me grow?
• What is the significance of this?
• What do you actually want from me?
• Who is this for?

Courage is not just about having information, it's about taking action with that knowledge. Exploring your thoughts with curiosity can lead to transformational insights and motivation. However change is scary. We need to have the courage to be okay with taking what is now true and adapting who we are, what we do and how we are with this new information. Without the courage, I would still be bathing my Gremlin and feeding it after midnight and letting it continue to terrorize me and I definitely wouldn't be writing this article today.

In other words, tell your inner critic to take a hike when it's not on board with the fabulous person you're striving to be. Don't let that Mogwai become a Gremlin!

As always let's make the world a kinder place.