Hidden treasures of Microsoft campus

"Where does Bill Gates keep his riches?"

April 1, 2019 -- Redmond, Washington

Microsoft Campus is a place of legend and many a mystery, but today we have a unique opportunity to uncover some of them for your reading enjoyment. All the information in this article is 100% pure true facts, as anybody can easily verify for themselves.

How, you ask? Very easy -- Microsoft campus is not some kind of gated community, it's located among public streets of Redmond, WA and is democratically accessible to regular people like you and me. A word of caution though: if you decide to visit the campus, *DO NOT* park in any of the parking spots at any Microsoft building, even if they are marked "Visitor Parking", as you will get towed -- I guarantee it. Instead, you can take a bus there, they have a Transit Center conveniently located in the middle of campus with many routes serving it. Of course, you can always grab a taxi, or just park in a nearby residential area and stroll onto campus in a leisurely manner, feeling like a large-stake shareholder after another smashing quarterly report.

Naturally, you won't be able to get into any of the buildings without a badge, with the only exception being Building 92 which hosts a Visitor Center consisting of a company store and a small museum (parking at the Visitor Center is allowed). But not to worry -- there are interesting things even outside buildings, and I'll show you one of the examples today.

Courtyard of Glory

The courtyard of Microsoft Building 16 is a place of historical significance. This is where Microsoft used to commemorate all their product releases by installing metal plates in the courtyard tiles. For example, these cover the first 4 years of Microsoft history:

These are faded by now and hard to read, so let's take a closer look at the very first product that started it all:

Can you read it? -- it says "BASIC Altair". In fact, Microsoft Visitor Center has on display the Altair computer that Microsoft used to developed its first product. Microsoft largely focused on BASIC in its first 5 years, with a couple of stray releases like Fortran and Cobol. But then look at this list for 1980 releases:

-- Wow! Right? That's not surprising, really -- 1980 was a pivotal year for Microsoft, when they signed an agreement with IBM to provide DOS operating system for IBM PC computers.

Also notice XENIX there -- that was Microsoft's version of Unix that they offered throughout 1980s. Most people wouldn't associate Microsoft with Unix, but back in the day Microsoft ran many parallel bets before they settled on the path of world domination with Windows. In fact, in late '80s there were more computers running Microsoft XENIX than all other versions of Unix combined! Interestingly, nowadays when Windows is not their prized cow anymore, Microsoft is getting oh-so comfortable with Unix again, like with an old ex. To the point that some products are released for Linux first, and then for Windows later ... maybe. For example, as of this writing Azure IoT Edge supported platforms are: Ubuntu and Raspbian, but Windows is still in Preview.

By beginning of 1990s Microsoft was releasing too many products every year so that they couldn't fit all on one plate, so they switched to one release per plate, but even that approach only lasted until year 2000. Here is the last plate in that courtyard:

My guess is: shortly after this plate was installed, Bill Gates got a call from serious people "up there", and was politely asked to stop spilling national security beans :)

What about the riches, then?

Alright, I know that all of you came here to learn the Big Secret, so I'm not going to hold you in suspense any longer and will answer the burning question of the day. Where does Bill Gates keep his riches, you ask? Today, I can tell you definitively -- he keeps them under one of these plates:

But I won't tell you exactly which one, because this would be too easy. Instead, for the first time in history, Microsoft is having an "Open Dig" event: today only -- April 1st, 2019 between the hours of 8am-5pm Pacific time -- anybody can come to the Courtyard of Glory and dig up any plate of their liking in hopes of finding those hidden treasures! Just be sure to stop by the building receptionist first, and ask for a free Microsoft-certified shovel for your digging enjoyment.

I hope you will take advantage of this unique opportunity, and I'm confident that you will get rich today. When you do, I'm only asking for a modest cut: 10% of your findings. For your convenience, you'll be able to send it to me electronically, I'll provide my bank account info and social security number and all that boring stuff for the paperwork. So what are you waiting for? -- those plates are not going to dig up themselves!